


ever so slightly (daily and nightly)

by tsukiyams



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Childhood Friends, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Soulmates, also hes a huge fucking dork. like i cranked kuroos dorkiness right up to eleven, please ignore that no living human could possibly be as oblivious as kuroo is in this fic, really light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25411939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukiyams/pseuds/tsukiyams
Summary: i’m moving today.it’s the first thing kuroo writes on his arm.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 18
Kudos: 279





	ever so slightly (daily and nightly)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crownedmayhem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crownedmayhem/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EMILY!!! 💗💞💖💓💖💖💕💘💝💖💓💖💘💕💘  
> so this is what ive been working on pretty much since the beginning of the month  
> you would’ve thought the fic would be longer, oh well lmao  
> you probably realised this is what your present was, i wasnt exactly good at hiding it  
> i really hope you like it (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)
> 
> and for those of you who aren’t emily, i hope you enjoy too ❤️
> 
> also the title is from the song “everything stays” from adventure time  
> the song is not abt childhood friends but it always reminds me of childhood friends ships  
> so i used it for this kuroken fic :’)

_i’m moving today._

it’s the first thing kuroo writes on his arm. 

he’d learnt in school about soulmates, about how if you make any mark on your skin; paint, ink, an injury, it’ll show up on the skin of your soulmate too. a divine connection, something you can’t sever, and everyone had one. someone who is  
undeniably perfect for you.

like most boys at the age of eight, kuroo thought the whole thing was incredibly lame, and gross, and for girls. 

so up until that point, he hadn’t bothered, really, to reach out to his soulmate.

but he’s feeling kind of alone, sat in the back of a car with not much to do, so he decides that he may as well, and says the only thing he can think of saying. 

really, he didn’t know much about the situation, just that his mother wasn’t here anymore and they had to live somewhere new. 

he briefly remembers his father mentioning something about their old house reminding him of her. kuroo doesn’t quite understand, but he didn’t have that many friends in his old neighbourhood, outside of his old team anyway, so he doesn’t mind that much that they have to move. 

he feels an odd sensation on his arm, and realises that his soulmate is writing back.

it’s sort of strange seeing the letters appear out of nowhere. his soulmate’s handwriting is small, and sort of messy. 

_are you sad about it?_

kuroo looks at the words for a few seconds, and doesn’t really understand why someone would be sad about moving. sure, he’s sort of scared being somewhere so unfamiliar, tokyo is a whole new city after all, but he’s not that sad.

he scribbles his response.

_not really_

after a few minutes of staring out of the car window and occasionally chatting to his father in the front seat, he checks his arm again. 

_okay then. bye_

kuroo’s idea of what his first conversation with his soulmate would be like (which he definitely hadn’t thought about before, shut up) certainly wasn’t that. 

his soulmate might just be busy, he supposed. at least they spoke the same language. he shoves his hoodie sleeve down with a slight sigh, and casts his gaze back towards the passing trees outside the foggy window.

—

“tetsurou, we spoke to the next door neighbours last week and they have a little boy who’s about your age,” his father began, giving him a little smile, “do you want to go and meet him while i make a start on moving the furniture?” 

kuroo wasn’t particularly paying attention, still peering oddly at the building he’d be calling home from now on. he gave a short nod anyway, despite being a little shaken at the prospect of meeting someone new this early.

his father led him by the hand to the house next door, and when the door swung open, kuroo was face-to-face with a boy with sharp golden eyes and some small game console clutched in his hands. 

there were strands of long-ish hair falling into the boy’s face, and he regarded kuroo with a sort of half-hearted curiosity.

“kozume-san, sorry to bother you. we have to make a start on moving everything in and i’m sure tetsurou here would like someone to talk to while we’re busy with that. would you mind if he plays with your son for a few hours?” 

the woman in the doorway agreed with a smile, greeting kuroo and introducing him to the small boy in front of him, who kuroo learned was her son. he was named kenma. 

kenma seems a little confused, looking up at his mother every few seconds. when kuroo bows to him, he appears a little taken aback before doing the same. 

his mother put a hand on his shoulder and spoke softly, “kenma, why don’t you find a two-player game so you and tetsurou-kun can play together?” 

the boy gave a small nod and quickly disappeared in the house, turning to give kuroo a ‘follow me’ gesture. 

“see you later, dad,” kuroo says, waving a little before following kenma inside the house. 

“i don’t have that many two player games,” kenma mumbles as they make their way to his bedroom, “sorry.” 

“th-that’s fine!” kuroo stutters, “it doesn’t matter what we play. i’m good at most games anyway.”

kenma seems to perk up a little at that, turning towards kuroo with curiosity in his eyes. 

“really?” 

“a-ah, well...” kuroo trails off, feeling like he may have gotten the shorter boy’s hopes up, “not _that_ good...”

“okay.” 

but his voice had regained its bored tone, and kuroo feels a little uneasy at that. it didn’t sit well with the little part of him that just really, _really_ wanted this boy to like him. 

once they’d gotten to kenma’s bedroom, he picks out some generic fighter game for them to play together. 

kuroo ended up losing pretty badly, and he looked at kenma’s character in awe.

“you’re really good at this, huh,” kuroo praises, “how old are you, anyway?” 

kenma seems to hesitate a little, but after a few seconds he mumbles out a quiet, “seven.” 

“i’m eight,” kuroo replies, “i was hoping you were older so me losing at the game wouldn’t look so uncool.” 

kuroo laughs a little at his own attempt at a joke, but kenma just tilts his head, “why would my age matter? it’s just about practice.”

“i-i guess so,” kuroo stammers, feeling sheepish all of a sudden. 

“let’s play more. it’s not hard.”

and kuroo takes that as a cue to drop the subject, picking his controller up again and concentrating on the little tv screen.

they play for a while, mostly in silence save for the occasional frustrated groan or small piece of advice from kenma.

so kuroo is a little startled when kenma asks him something completely unrelated to the game.

“you really only moved next door today?” 

“yeah, uh,” kuroo began, “we started this morning, but dad said it’ll take a few weeks to ‘get settled in’ ..” 

“huh,” kenma muses, eyebrows furrowed and fiddling with the cuffs of his hoodie. for a second kuroo almost thought he saw kenma looking thoughtfully at his own sleeves, but he blinks and the younger’s eyes are back on the screen. 

he assumed they’d fall into slightly awkward silence again, but kenma piped up again a minute or so later. 

“do you miss your friends where you used to live?”

the question hangs in the air. it makes kuroo feel a little strange, thinking about things like that, but he answers honestly. 

“a bit. i was part of a volleyball team and i liked them. but i’d rather not be back at my old house.” 

“oh,” is kenma’s response, “well, i don’t really have any friends anyway. i guess we’re the same now.”

kuroo inwardly feels grateful that kenma didn’t question his statement about home. his shoulders relax slightly.

“...but we’re...friends now, right?” kenma continues shyly, after a beat of silence. it’s so quiet that kuroo has to strain to hear it, but once he does, a huge grin splits across his face, and he nods vigorously.

“i.. i guess we are, yeah!”

—

“let’s play together again soon.” 

it was a typical enough sentiment, probably often said as little more than a polite end to the conversation. but kuroo could tell, somehow, that kenma meant it. 

the sun was sinking into the horizon now. he was standing in the doorway of the kozumes’ house, saying his last goodbyes since his dad had come to collect him. 

in the few hours kuroo had spent at kenma’s house, he’d managed to get pretty alright at the game they played together.

still hadn’t beaten kenma once, but kuroo didn’t mind. 

_i have other days to beat him, after all,_ kuroo thinks, happier than he probably should be at the realisation that he’d already made a sort-of-friend on his first day here.

it wasn’t as if they’d connected perfectly; they’d still spent most of their day in silence after all, but for kuroo, it was more than enough. 

“did you have a nice time with kenma-kun today, tetsurou?” 

“mhm!” he nods, “he was really good at this one game! you shoulda seen him, dad!!”

kuroo’s father seemed to exhale in relief, patting his son on the shoulder and smiling gently. 

“it’s good you two got along. neither of you are exactly the most social, so i wasn’t sure if it’d go too well. i’m glad you found something in common.” 

he was saying it more to himself than to his son, but kuroo found himself nodding in agreement anyway.

that night, when kuroo was about to go to sleep, (on the sofa with some blankets, because his bedroom hadn’t been sorted out yet), he found himself wanting to tell his soulmate about his day.

their first conversation was a little anti-climactic, but after his interaction with kenma, kuroo had a renewed sense of optimism, and thought he’d give it another shot.

he looks around a little and ends up finding a permanent marker, which didn’t seem like the best thing to write on his skin with. he dismissed his worry by telling himself that there’s no way it could be _completely_ permanent. 

after thinking for a few minutes about what he wanted to say, he settles for something simple. 

_i made a friend._

to kuroo’s surprise, the reply is almost instant. 

_already?_

kuroo laughs a little at that. 

“i’m as shocked as you,” he remarks aloud to himself.

 _he lives next door. his name is kenma, and he’s good at games._

his soulmate goes silent for a good 10 minutes, and kuroo is about to give up, assuming they may have lost interest or fallen asleep, but he sees the familiar pen marks making their way along his arms again and immediately perks up. 

_are you being serious?_

kuroo’s eyebrows knit in confusion, and he scrawls out a response.

 _why would i make that up?_

_no reason_ , is what appears under his question, _don’t worry about it._

he decides not to press, fatigue beginning to get the better of him, but he sees one last thing appear on his arm.

 _don’t use sharpie on your skin. we’re both stuck with the marks until it washes off completely._

kuroo writes a short _sorry_ , before finally falling asleep.

—

visiting kenma became somewhat of a common occurrence from then on. it started off just being an easy place to put kuroo whenever his dad and grandparents needed him out of the way, but after they were fully moved in, kuroo found himself still visiting just to see the golden-eyed boy he’d grown fond of. 

initially it was only once a week, but visits gradually became increasingly frequent as kuroo found himself more and more bored and dissatisfied with the lack of company at his own house. 

by the time he’d hit a year of living in this new house, he was in kenma’s bedroom playing games with him just about every other day. 

over time they came to learn small things about each other, like how kuroo’s favourite subject in school was science, or that kenma really liked apple pie.

he would tell his soulmate about his visits almost every time. sometimes they would reply, sometimes they wouldn’t, but kuroo appreciated them listening anyway. 

despite the fact that kenma didn’t seem to mind hanging out with kuroo, he would never seek the boy out himself. it was always kuroo knocking on his door, and kenma letting him in.

at first it made kuroo feel a little insecure, feeling like he enjoyed being around kenma more than kenma enjoyed being around him, especially since kuroo was the elder of the two and felt like that meant _he_ was supposed to be the cool, stoic one.

but he learned that it was just part of kenma’s nature. unlike kuroo, who wanted friends but was just too timid to make them, kenma was the type who didn’t care much for human interaction, and as such, he didn’t seek it out. 

it was hard, but kuroo eventually learned not to take it personally. 

which was why he almost fainted when he burst into kenma’s bedroom like usual, only to be met with kenma asking an extremely unusual question.

“do you want to sleep over today?” 

kuroo gapes like a fish for a few seconds, briefly wondering if he’d heard wrong. 

“my mum suggested it the other day,” kenma continues, “and since you only live next door, if something bad happens you’ll be able to go home.”

the elder could only nod, excitement already bubbling up inside him. 

“i’ll just...go and get a change of clothes. for...tomorrow,” kuroo stammered. 

kenma gave a short nod, turning back to his game as kuroo left the room. 

when he got back to his house, before doing anything else kuroo started giddily writing to his soulmate. 

_he invited me to sleep over!!!! me!!!!!! sleeping at kenma’s house!!!!!!!!!! me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

the response comes more quickly than kuroo expects, showing up as he’s hastily shoving clothes into a backpack. 

_is it that big of a deal?_

kuroo is almost offended, and he immediately snatches up his pen again. 

_of course!! i mean, kenma never invites me to do stuff!! i was starting to think he didn’t want me around at all! but now he’s invited me over himself!!!_

_you shouldn’t think like that,_ comes the message, _if he didn’t want you around he would say. he likes being your friend, even if it doesn’t seem like it._

he’s about to retort with a whiny “what makes you so sure”, but he realises that he’s been standing here for much too long, and he really doesn’t want to keep kenma waiting. 

with a rapid explanation to his dad and a hug for his grandma, he shoots out of the front door, and knocks on kenma’s door again. 

“ah, tetsurou-kun!” says kenma’s mother, letting him in, “you agreed to the little sleepover then, yes? kenma seemed so excited when i suggested it to him, i’m glad you’re looking forward to it too!” 

“kenma was excited...” kuroo mumbles to himself with a slight frown, remembering kenma’s impassive expression, “...why didn’t it seem that way when he was telling me?” 

he brushes off the thought with a shake of his head, and makes his way upstairs to kenma.

for almost the entire afternoon, kenma’s mother seemed to hover around them, making small talk with kuroo and offering the two of them snacks. 

she would check on them whenever kuroo came round anyway, but she seemed especially interested this time around. 

she has this ridiculous smile on her face the whole time, as if she can’t believe that kenma is actually doing a _normal kid thing_ like a sleepover, as if she’s so happy her little boy has found a friend that he’s comfortable enough to do this with.

it makes kuroo feel warm, seeing how much kenma’s mum cares for him. melancholic, too, in a way, but he pushes the feeling away for fear of possibly ruining the nice atmosphere.

they spend the day together. it’s nice, but it always is when he’s around kenma anyway. it’s no different to their regular routine; chat, play videogames, eat. somehow kuroo hasn’t gotten bored of it. 

(somehow he doesn’t think he ever will.)

it’s around the time when kenma’s mother gives them dessert that kuroo’s slight sadness starts to become hard to ignore. 

it was apple pie and ice cream, and the pie was one she baked herself. it wasn’t kuroo’s favourite food but somehow it managed to make him feel so whole and warm. 

his dad never made anything like this. it wasn’t as if kuroo minded. he understood, at this point, that his dad and grandparents were busy and didn’t have time to bake things. 

but seeing the pleased expression on kenma’s face, the satisfied smile his mother broke into when both boys told her they liked it, and the simple knowledge that it had been made, from scratch, just for them, made kuroo’s heart twist. 

kenma realises, eventually, that something is wrong. 

it’s somewhere around midnight, and despite eager promises that they’d stay up the whole night, both boys are beginning to feel drowsy. 

drowsy enough, at least, that kuroo is finding it hard to stop his sadness from showing. 

kenma puts down his controller and looks him in the eyes, hesitating for a few seconds before asking. 

“are you ok? you’ve been staring into space a lot.” 

kuroo contemplates lying. 

but he trusts kenma, and he figured he’d end up talking about this sooner or later anyway. 

“your...your mum, she...” 

“my mum?” kenma asks, cocking his head, “oh, was she annoying today? sorry. she was excited that i was doing something like this. i’ll tell her to lay off next time.” 

“a-annoying?” kuroo almost shouts, waving his hands in front of his face, “not annoying, how could you even say that? she was so nice!” 

“uh... then what’s up, kuro?” 

“my...my mum doesn’t live with us anymore.” 

kenma’s eyes widen in slight shock but he stays quiet, silently urging kuroo to continue.

“but..” he sighs, “i think that even if she was still living with us, she wouldn’t..” 

he pauses for a second, trying to find the words, “she wouldn’t _care_ like your mum does. if i’d... had a friend come and play at my house, she’d just...

“she’d just sleep. or she’d tell me to stop being noisy. she...slept a lot. for most of the day. mostly when she was awake she’d just be angry at dad. sometimes she’d be angry at me too.” 

there are tears now, wetting kuroo’s cheeks and filling his mouth with the faint taste of salt. kenma’s gaze is still tied to his, and kuroo overflows. 

“she was...” kuroo tries to find the scary, long word. the one his dad and grandparents used when they thought he was asleep but really he was just behind the kitchen door. he couldn’t remember it.

“she was sad. really, really sad. too sad to live with us anymore, that’s what dad said. she needed to be somewhere where she could get better.

“the last time i saw her, she started throwing things. she was really angry. my grandparents took me to the park that day, and when i came home she was gone. dad said i wouldn’t see her until i was a lot older.

“i wish we could have made her happy. i wish she smiled when i talked about my games, or when i made friends. i don’t... i don’t know why she was sad. i wish she could have just loved me. 

“i wish...

kuroo’s voice cracks, sobs, and he can’t see kenma’s face through the tears anymore. 

“i wish she made me apple pie.”

his eyes are scrunched shut and it’s difficult to breathe, but all of a sudden he feels arms wrapping around his torso and warm, even breaths next to his ear. 

“i’m sorry, kuro.” 

kenma’s voice was quiet, like usual. but there was a certain sincerity in the words that made kuroo’s breath come a little easier.

they stayed like that for a while, until kuroo could breathe again without sobs threatening to rip through his throat. 

when he’s too sleepy to keep awake, kuroo tries to settle down onto the futon he’d laid out, but kenma quietly protests. 

“you..should sleep in my bed instead.” 

“d-don’t you need to sleep there?” 

kenma shakes his head. 

“i’ll sleep on the futon. i won’t be tired enough to go to sleep for a while anyway, so you may as well be comfortable when you’re trying to sleep with noise in the background.” 

kenma gestures vaguely to his videogame.

kuroo is too tired to argue, so he clambers onto kenma’s bed and lets his fatigue take him, the faint clicking of kenma’s controller starting to fade in his mind as he does.

when he first wakes up, his teeth are aching and his skin feels fuzzy, and his eyes still feel sore from crying. he faintly registers the tickle of hair against his neck and a warmth pressing against his shoulder, and realises.

_i guess he decided he didn’t want the futon, then._

he tries his best to look out of the window, craning his neck slightly. 

dark, but getting lighter. 

_it must be really early._

he catches sight of the tv, seeing that kenma’s game is still on, playing away to itself. he wonders how many times kenma has left his games on by accident like this.

kuroo doesn’t go to turn it off, because he’ll wake kenma up if he moves. he’s holding him so very close, and kuroo is too exhausted to pretend that he wants it to stop.

he falls back asleep. though the obnoxious noise of videogame music makes it difficult, his best friend’s gentle heartbeat against him lulls kuroo to rest.

_i hope you’re feeling okay._

it’s written on the inside of kuroo’s wrist when he wakes up. 

he almost laughs at the good timing, and thinks that maybe a soulmate bond makes people have a sixth sense for this stuff, to just be able to _know_ when something is wrong with the other person, even without being told. 

it’s a nice thought. 

he uncaps his pen and then caps it again, hearing kenma stir on the bed and figuring that a reply can wait.

“wanna play some more?” kuroo asks, jostling the younger boy awake.

kenma rubs his eyes a little, amusingly similar to a cat in the way he stretches, and lets out little sounds, and blinks slowly as if he is absolutely ready to go back to sleep. 

“actually,” he says after a second, half a yawn in his voice, “is there something you want to play?

kuroo is a little taken aback, blinking at him like kenma was speaking a foreign language.

“it’s just,” kenma continues, “i always choose. so why don’t you this time?” 

he appreciates the poorly masked attempt at cheering him up after last night, trying not to feel guilty for making kenma worry in the first place.

he’s about to make his way to kenma’s game shelf (which was much too full for any eight year old boy) but he catches sight of the polished window.

the morning sun is warm and inviting, spreading its rays to even the farthest corners of the little bedroom.

all at once, kuroo knows what he wants to do.

after a quick trip back to his own house, he comes back with a volleyball in his hands. 

“that’s not what i-“ 

“i know,” kuroo starts, “i know you don’t usually like this sort of thing, but it’s such a nice day, and i...” 

kenma looks tired, kuroo realises. he wonders just how long kenma stayed up, and immediately feels bad. 

“...i just didn’t want to...w-waste it.” he finishes weakly. 

he’s about to apologise, return the volleyball to his own house, untouched, neglected like it had been since he came to tokyo.

but then, kenma says, 

“okay.” 

the reluctance is a little too blatant, and kenma still looks kind of ready to fall asleep, but kuroo takes the tiny opportunity and runs with it. 

they go outside, the blue sky open and wide and all-encompassing, and play with the volleyball. it’s the first time of many more to come. the beginning of something great, kuroo hopes, seeing how fast kenma learns. he picks up techniques like it’s nothing.

for a few months they do little more than mess around with the ball. you can’t do a lot with only two people after all.

but that hardly matters.

kuroo loves it, kenma doesn’t hate it, and that’s more than enough. 

—

most of the time, people at school leave kenma alone. 

it’s the way he likes it, kuroo knows this. so on the off chance he does see somebody go up to kenma in the playground and start harassing him about whatever game he’s playing, kuroo is quick to tell them to go away.

kenma sighs and tells him it’s fine, that he can handle things by himself, but kuroo can tell, somehow, that he appreciates it.

they don’t hang out together during breaks all that often, but kuroo does always keep an eye on him. it’s instinctive, as if it’s almost a part of him, to take care of kenma.

kuroo likes to think he’s gotten a little cooler now, than he was when they first met four years ago. he’s taller, friends come a little easier, and some of the younger kids are even sort of scared of him, which kuroo isn’t as fond of.

kenma would beg to differ, insisting that kuroo is just as uncool as he’s always been. 

kuroo decides he doesn’t mind being uncool as long as kenma still likes him. he tells his soulmate this, and his soulmate tells him he’s an idiot. 

in any case, kuroo likes to make sure kenma is feeling okay. 

which is why when kuroo goes off to middle school, he starts to worry. he’ll still be able to see kenma, they’re next door neighbours after all, but losing the already small amount of time they had together in school is hard on him. 

it was bad enough knowing that they’d never be put in the same classes, but now they weren’t even in the same school, and for a whole year too. 

it’s not as if kuroo doesn’t have friends in middle school. he has people he can talk to, sure. 

but somehow, it’s just not the same. 

he complains about it to his soulmate most days, pouring out his worries. his soulmate gets progressively more annoyed, insisting that kenma can, in fact, handle himself, and to stop whining about it because it’s no big deal.

sometimes, though, there are days when kenma comes home a little quieter than usual, the dark clouds hovering over his head almost tangible. 

those are the days when kuroo doesn’t try to get kenma to play outside. they sit quietly in the sun-soaked bedroom and waste the afternoon playing videogames until the stress dissipates from kenma’s bones and he feels human again.

sometimes kenma will fall asleep on kuroo’s shoulder, only waking up when the moon comes out and it’s time for kuroo to go. 

(he wishes he never had to leave.)

it is those days in particular that kuroo complains more than ever about being in separate schools, and it is those days in particular that his soulmate lets him.

kenma says that it’s just annoying, having people come up to him, not having the energy to ask them to go away. he says that he doesn’t like being the center of attention.

(what kenma does not say is that kuroo’s concern from across the playground felt like a forcefield, and he is now open and exposed, and the unfamiliar eyes on him are no longer an inconvenience but a discomfort, heavy and dense in the pit of his stomach.) 

(what kenma does not say is that there is a world of difference between having a friend at school to talk to sometimes and not having a friend at school at all.) 

(what kenma does not say is that he misses kuroo.)

—

“recordings again?” 

kuroo nods his head rapidly, giving a smile. 

“yeah! cmon, kenma, watch ‘em with me!” 

kenma nods with a short sigh. 

it’s a little discouraging sometimes. kuroo knows that kenma isn’t a huge fan of how overzealous he’s become these days. 

being on the middle school team really helped ignite kuroo’s love for volleyball, and as such, he’s started trying to involve kenma more and more. 

kuroo does consider just laying off a little, but sometimes he sees a rare gleam in kenma’s eye, either while they’re outside playing or watching the recordings kuroo brings.

it’s when he catches those moments that kuroo knows to keep at it. 

besides, even if kenma seems sort of disinterested sometimes, he can always get a small laugh out of him by making a fool out of himself in an attempt to copy the cool volleyball moves on the screen.

sometimes, though, he really does pull the moves off well. the impressed little gasps kenma gives in response make him feel invincible.

(they also make his stomach flutter, but like any responsible thirteen year old who is definitely good at handling his emotions, kuroo ignores it.)

“by the way, kenma,” 

“mhm?” 

kenma is only half paying attention, watching the screen in an oddly transfixed way. 

“you’re coming up to middle school soon, right? you should...”

kuroo hesitates, anxious for kenma’s answer. 

“you should join the volleyball club, kenma!” 

a few seconds of silence pass before kenma replies.

“huh? oh, sure.” 

“what? really? that was easier than i-“ 

“mhm” 

“wait, were you even listening to me? kenma, c’mon! i asked you a question!” 

kenma doesn’t reply after that, watching kuroo’s cd’s too intently, and kuroo gives up for the moment.

that evening, they are side by side in kenma’s bed, exhausted because kuroo had dragged kenma outside for hours as usual.

“you will, right?” kuroo asks out of nowhere, while kenma taps away at his ds. 

“will what?” 

“join the volleyball club.”

“well yeah,” kenma says, not even hesitating or moving his eyes from the screen, “what else would i join?” 

a small feeling of pride swells in kuroo when he hears that, and he has to fight not to yell in excitement. 

“r-really? that’s great then! just don’t go changing your mind now, alright? you’ve promised now!” 

“i didn’t promise anything, kuro,” he says sternly, but there’s a smile on his face now, “now shut up, okay? i’m trying to play this.” 

kuroo does not shut up, not even close. he talks and talks and talks, not stopping until they both nod off. it annoys kenma to no end.

(no it doesn’t.)

_kenma said yes,_ kuroo writes when he’s back in his own house the next day, _but i sort of feel bad for asking._

_why? he said yes didn’t he?_

_well yeah, but idk... i know he likes volleyball but i can’t help but feel like im forcing it on him_

_that’s dumb. people don’t do stuff if they don’t want to. you shouldn’t worry._

which isn’t true, obviously. people do things they don’t want to all the time. but kuroo’s soulmate is right in the assumption that _kenma_ doesn’t do things he doesn’t want to, so he accepts the advice.

“what you writin’ about, tetsurou?” 

“oh, dad! i’m talking about kenma. he said he’d join the volleyball team when he comes to middle school, so i’m telling them about it.”

“you...” his dad trails off for a second, “you talk about kenma to your soulmate?” 

“‘course! kenma’s my best friend, i always talk about him!” 

“you don’t talk about other things?” 

“not really, no?” kuroo says, eyebrows knitting, “i mean, i have kenma to talk to about everything else, right? and it’d be weird for me to talk about kenma _to_ kenma, so i talk to my soulmate about him instead.” 

“ah... say, tetsurou?” he asks, glancing down at kuroo’s arm, “have you thought that maybe...” 

“hm?” 

“nevermind, actually. it’s... good that you aren’t so concerned with your soulmate. they’re not... the be all and end all.”

his face looks wistful, solemn. kuroo doesn’t need to ask what his father means by that statement. instead he just nods, feeling ever so slightly guilty for reminding his dad about his own soulmate. 

it was sad but true, really, that it didn’t always work out. his parents were living proof of that. he still didn’t know where his mum was, or why she hated dad so much. 

really, the only proof kuroo had that she was even still out there were the occasional minor injuries that’d appear on his dad’s skin out of nowhere. she didn’t try to contact him, through their soulmate bond or otherwise. 

his dad doesn’t mind much anymore, or at least kuroo hopes so. 

it must hurt, he thinks, to know that your soulmate couldn’t care less about you.

he picks up his pen and scribbles a quick message to his own.

 _i care about you._

it’s not until he’s about to go to bed that a reply comes. 

_i know._

kuroo snorts. 

_i care about you too._

—

it takes a little while for kenma to adjust, once he does move up to kuroo’s school. playing sports as a club activity is a much bigger commitment than just being made to play with your friend casually.

once kenma does adjust, though, once his body gets used to it - kenma shines. just like kuroo knew he would.

he makes an amazing setter. his strategy and analysis is insane, and it only gets better as he makes his way through middle school.

not that kuroo is surprised, he always had faith in him, but it’s even more amazing to see him improve in person. 

it’s almost bizzare, seeing kenma focused on something that isn’t pixels on a screen. but he is, and kuroo can’t wait til they’re both in highschool, to see how kenma’s intellect meshes with a real powerhouse team.

it’s not as if kenma is as fired up as some of the other kids kuroo has seen, though. he still doesn’t really _properly_ enjoy it, and only does the bare minimum in terms of practice and training, but he’s so skilled that it hardly even matters how much effort he puts in.

even if he wasn’t skilled at all, though, kuroo wouldn’t mind. he’s just happy to share something like this with him.

—

“kuro, we should head back soon.” 

kuroo just smirks and claps kenma on the shoulder, causing the younger to give him a glare in response. 

“are you scared, kenma? we can head back home if you want.” 

“no, i’m not _scared._ i just want to go home in time to get music from that guitar playing dog. he’s only there until midnight.”

ah, of course. animal crossing, kenma’s newest fixation. kuroo had to admit it was a nice change of pace, but the whole real-time gimmick meant that kenma had to play at specific times. it got annoying, but it made kenma happy, so kuroo stopped minding.

“just time travel if you end up missing him! i don’t know what the issue is! besides, it’s nowhere near midnight.” 

“i am not _time travelling,_ ” kenma retorted, a hint of disgust in his voice, “that ruins the experience. plus, it’s 22:30 already, kuro, and i don’t trust you not to lose track of time-“

“shit, half ten already?” 

“see?” 

“fuck, kenma, why didn’t you tell me, your mum is gonna be pissed-“ 

which, really, wasn’t true at all. 

but over time kenma’s mother had become a sort of makeshift mother to kuroo too, and as such, he became a little paranoid. he really, really didn’t want to let her down.

not after he’d lost his actual mother’s love and affection all those years ago.

(who was he kidding, he never had it in the first place.) 

“now look who’s scared. stop panicking alright? mum and dad won’t care as long as we’re back before they go to bed. didn’t you bring some money? we might as well get something before we leave.” 

kuroo perked up a little at that. kuroo’s grandparents had given him some money as a sort of gift for graduating middle school, and he took it today when he and kenma went out.

he thought it was sort of unnecessary, to have a prize just for graduating middle school. but hey, free money. 

after glancing around at their surroundings he settles on a nearby 7/11, and kenma trails along behind him.

they don’t spend long in there, only getting a couple cans of drink and some candy. before long, they’re back out into the night. 

kenma doesn’t talk, instead tapping away at his phone with a lollipop in his mouth. the screen illuminates his face, and kuroo, not bothering to keep his eyes away, can’t help but notice the small details. 

there are a few strands of black hair falling into his eyes. he doesn’t move them out of the way. they don’t seem to bother him. kuroo wants to shift them out of kenma’s view, reach out his hand and brush them aside, touch kenma’s face with his fingertips. 

his lips curve slightly around the lollipop stick. kuroo wonders how soft they are, tries to imagine the plush, warm feeling if he ever dared to swipe the pad of his thumb along kenma’s cupids bow.

that is all kuroo can bring himself to envision, because if things begin to get out of hand he will not stop wanting, and suddenly kenma plucks the lollipop out of his mouth and it’s glossy, and kuroo wants, more than anything, he _wants_ \- 

“what?” 

it’s enough to pull kuroo from his own head, and he is thankful.

“what are you looking at?” kenma continues, louder this time. 

“i- uh- “ 

kuroo flusters slightly, belatedly realising that he was staring at kenma’s lollipop, which is, honestly, not a typical thing to do.

“i was just ...thinking about how i’ll miss you.”

(a half-truth. kuroo has been doing that a lot lately. admitting one thing openly gives the illusion of complete openness. he consistently shows kenma the tip of the iceberg in the hopes that he will not suspect the colossal remainder of it residing underneath the ocean’s surface.)

“oh. i..” kenma mumbles, averting his gaze, “i’ll miss you too.”

(kuroo wonders if that’s only the tip of kenma’s iceberg too. he hopes, despite himself.) 

“but we’ve done this once before, and it’s only for a year. you’ll be fine, kuro.” 

kenma doesn’t say “we’ll be fine”, and for that reason, kuroo cannot relax. 

its not that he doesn’t think highly of kenma, but his social skills didn’t evolve with kuroo’s. they stayed stagnant, and kuroo never feels entirely okay leaving him alone.

it’s stupid, he knows this. there are people who have to be apart from the people they care about for years. he has experienced it himself. his whole family still wonders what his mother is up to these days. 

kenma is never far away, even at separate schools. he is one door away, right there when kuroo needs him. 

_why isn’t it enough_ , his brain asks.

 _you already know why_ , his heart answers.

later on, somewhere in the very early hours of the morning, he finds a spare moment to write to his soulmate. 

kenma is busy on his ds, and kuroo gauges that the chances of him noticing are slim. 

not that kenma is the nosy type in the first place, kuroo honestly doubts he’d care if he saw the older writing on his skin, but you can never be too careful. 

_hey. i have a problem n i really need to talk to you abt it._

ten minutes, then twenty, then an hour. 

still nothing. 

typical, honestly, to be unavailable when kuroo has something actually important to say but perfectly wide awake to insult kuroo’s artistic ability whenever he sat in bed drawing cats on his arms.

he lets out a sigh. 

kenma has dozed off now, curled up on the floor in a way that must be uncomfortable. if there’s one thing kuroo has learned in seven years, it’s that if kozume kenma is asleep before you, it is high time to clock out for the night.

he, again, forgot to turn off his game before falling asleep. it’s thanks to his definitely unhealthy sleep schedule of “stay up as long as possible until you quite literally pass out without warning”. 

it’s animal crossing still. kuroo isn’t quite as into videogames these days due to volleyball taking up a lot of his time, but he’s still just as into listening to kenma talk about them. so he knows that for this game in particular, you have to save manually or you lose your progress. 

he does that, making a mental note to tell kenma in the morning that he owes him for this.

his finger hovers over the power button, but he leaves it, letting the game’s title screen music play as he carries kenma to bed.

he tells himself that it’s only because the music is nice. another half-truth.

(when kuroo was really little, he found it hard to sleep with any sort of light or sound. he would sleep in absolute darkness and covered his ears with pillows. 

over time, being worn down by countless sleepovers in which he’d have to drift off with kenma gaming in the background, he started to mind less. 

he still did the pillow thing, but he found himself less bothered by noise. 

sometimes kuroo would even put on videogame soundtracks himself to fall asleep to after particularly hard days, trying not to think about why it was so comforting.)

after placing kenma gingerly on the bed, he took a final glance at the message. still no reply. kuroo rolls his eyes. 

he decides to just rip off the metaphorical bandaid now, figuring he’ll read his soulmate’s reply in the morning. 

he picks up his pen again, writing one final message before climbing into bed himself. 

_i think i’m in love with him._

kuroo considers clarifying who he’s talking about, but realises immediately that it would be ridiculous to do so. it only could have ever been one person. 

his soulmate will know. of course they will. kuroo couldn’t hide it if he tried.

—

or apparently he could, kuroo thinks incredulously, reading the simple _”who?”_ scrawled onto his forearm the next day. 

it doesn’t come until he’s back in his own bedroom, almost as if his soulmate knew kuroo was at kenma’s house and wanted him to make the most of it before having this discussion.

kuroo is, admittedly, a little chuffed that he’s apparently better at hiding this kind of thing than he first realised.

he’s mostly just in disbelief though. maybe they’re just being polite, because there’s no way in hell that they _genuinely_ don’t know, right? 

kuroo literally does not talk to them about anything but kenma. he really wouldn’t be surprised if they’d made the assumption that he didn’t have contact with any living thing aside from kenma. 

and yet, here they are. asking who. it almost feels like a joke at his expense. 

_kenma. i’m in love w kenma._ he writes, then adding a passive aggressive, _you really had to make me say it, huh?_

 _you are?_

_yeah. sorry_

a pause. kuroo sits there looking at his arm. he figures he should give them some time. 

_don’t be sorry for falling in love, idiot. you should tell him._

that wasn’t quite the reaction kuroo was expecting.

 _are you just saying that to be nice? its ok to be upset_

_i’m not upset. i literally could not be less upset. seriously just tell him_

_are you kidding?_ kuroo laughs out loud, _i have no chance_

_yes you do. just tell him how you feel_

_why r u so adamant on this?_

_just ...please_

_why?????_

there was no reply after that. kuroo gives up, at least somewhat thankful that his soulmate seemed to take the news well.

he felt sort of bad, turning his soulmate into his pseudo emotional baggage dump.

but they didn’t seem _real_ in the way kuroo’s friends at school and his family and kenma all were. it didn’t feel as loaded to talk about his hopeless, hopeless love to someone who barely exists in his mind.

to kuroo, his soulmate only exists in the form of ink strokes making their way up his skin. he tries, as best he can, to envision a person on the other end. he tries to imagine what his perfect person looks like; what he would want them to be.

he tries to conjure an image, but every time without fail, the figure morphs back into the same amber eyes and mop of long black hair. 

and he wonders, despite everything, if his soulmate really is kenma. it feels ridiculous, the notion that kenma would have kept this from him consciously, but he cannot help but hope.

he knows he could just ask directly. put himself out of his misery. 

but he couldn’t take it, if kenma looked him in the eyes and told him outright that they are not soulmates. 

he would rather die wondering. 

—

kuroo’s first year at high school is nice. 

volleyball club is a fair bit more strict than it was in middle school, but it doesn’t phase him for long.

the coach for nekoma’s volleyball team is one he’s known of for a while- saw him for the first time years ago while at a training camp with kenma, and that encounter was what made kuroo want to go to nekoma in the first place.

he gets off to a rocky start with some of his teammates (namely one yaku morisuke), but eventually they find some common ground. 

they all make a good team, but by the time the end of his first year comes around, kuroo is impatient for kenma to join.

acknowledging his feelings has only made things worse. he’s even more acutely aware of kenma’s absence than he was before. 

he wants to play a real game alongside him again, and be able to walk home with him again, and see him in the corridors and give him a smirk, and make sure he’s never too lonely. 

his first year in high school is nice, but it is not the same without kenma. 

it never is.

—

it’s a mild spring day, and kuroo decides to bite the bullet. 

they’re playing with a volleyball as usual, but at one point when kenma jumps to reach for it, his hoodie sleeve slips down a little to reveal some writing. 

it’s not enough to make out what it says, and it seems a little faded as if it’d been washed off slightly. 

still though, it gets kuroo thinking. 

he’d never really thought about soulmates in relation to kenma. they’d never talked about it at all, so kuroo had never really given any consideration to what kenma’s soulmate might be like.

they became friends at an age where no one really cared about that sort of thing and thought romance was stupid, and so they grew up together without soulmates ever being a topic of interest. 

but it’s been eight years since they were that age, and kuroo is starting to feel just a little bit curious.

“oi, kenma?” 

“mhm?”

“why’d you never talk about your soulmate?”

a flash of shock seems to appear on kenma’s face, but it leaves as quickly as it came.

“why don’t you?” 

“i asked first.” 

kenma glares for a few seconds before sighing and casting his gaze to the ground. 

“i...thought it might be a sore subject for you,” he starts, voice small, “what with your parents and everything. i thought maybe the reason _you_ didn’t talk about it was because you thought that the whole soulmate thing can’t be that great if things went so badly with your mum and dad. i didn’t wanna... make you sad.”

kuroo knew that kenma was, under all his quietness, an incredibly caring person. 

knowing this somehow doesn’t stop the butterflies from swarming around in his stomach at kenma’s words.

 _he’s so sweet,_ kuroo thinks, _i’m so, so in love with him._

“plus it just...wasn’t something i ever felt the need to talk about.” 

“you..” kuroo mumbles, clearing his throat, “you can talk about it if you want.” 

(kuroo doesn’t want him to. of course he doesn’t. this person was perfect for kenma, and he wasn’t. he doesn’t want to hear it, he doesn’t, but it’s worse feeling like kenma has to walk on eggshells around him no matter what the topic, so kuroo will act like it’s fine. he has to.)

kenma nods distantly, and they stand in silence before kenma pipes up again. 

“they’re a lot like you.”

the words take a second to register in kuroo’s brain, but once they do, he starts to feel a little nauseous. 

he didn’t expect kenma to talk about it so soon. 

“oh?” 

“yeah. really, really similar to you. a lot more similar than you’d think.” 

kenma is looking him directly in the eyes, and it’s sort of unnerving because kenma rarely ever does that. he doesn’t break eye contact for several seconds.

it feels like he expects kuroo to say something to that, but kuroo is utterly lost. 

he decides to break the silence by letting out an awkward laugh.

“is that so? well, i bet they’re nowhere near as cool as me!” 

the dumb joke doesn’t land. kenma just hums noncommittally, looking sort of exasperated. 

“a-anyway,” stammers kuroo, picking up his ball, “i really have to get home now. i have...homework. yeah.” 

he walks away, leaving kenma standing in his backyard. he doesn’t run, only because that’ll seem suspicious. 

he realises only when he’s back in his own house that there is no way he could have had homework, because they are on spring break and they are starting the new school year in a few days. 

if kenma saw through the flimsy excuse (which of course he did, kuroo thinks, mentally kicking himself), he didn’t mention it. 

as soon as he gets to his bedroom, he starts to write. 

_he told me that his soulmate is like me. how the hell am i supposed to react to that????? so what, his soulmate is the one that’s perfect for him and i’m not? what does his soulmate have that i don’t? :’(( shit what if his soulmate is a girl?? what if thats the only difference and he’s straight so she’s the better match???? i really have no chance at all if hes straight what the fuck do i do!!!!!_

_calm down_

_h o w_

_i think you’re thinking about this too much. just. think about what he said. he could have been implying something different?_

_like what??? kenma doesnt i m p l y stuff he just says them_

_just think about it._

kuroo does not think about it. he flops onto his bed with a heart heavier than stone, and tries his best to not think about it at all.

—

kenma’s first few months at high school leave him incredibly burnt out. 

and the thing is, kuroo can’t even blame him. 

he hadn’t noticed it at first, but once he did, he couldn’t stop. 

for some bizarre reason, the third years in the volleyball club took it upon themselves to single kenma out whenever possible.

they would push him harder than anyone else, spoke harsher to him than they did to the other club members, and were, in a general sense, huge fucking asshats. 

even so, there wasn’t much kuroo could do about it. he was only a second year, and the third years were the ones with the most authority. 

as such, kenma was left being essentially picked on by the eldest members of the team. kuroo could tell it was starting to take a toll on his mood. kenma wasn’t the type to show his emotions blatantly, so when kuroo noticed the little changes in his demeanour, it was a sign that this shit was really affecting his already dwindling motivation.

it made him worry. kenma wasn’t the type of person to keep doing something like this if he wasn’t enjoying it, and something like this suddenly made kenma quitting a very real possibility. 

kuroo hopes kenma is strong enough to push through it.

— 

“kenma! we have to leave soon, hurry up!” 

kuroo has been standing outside his friend’s bedroom for about fifteen minutes, and he keeps checking the time anxiously.

in theory, kuroo is the kind of person who doesn’t care about getting to school on time. in practice, he is a massive loser who likes having good attendance and punctuality.

another minute passes, and kuroo is about to bang on the door again (and maybe crack a dumb joke asking if kenma is jacking off in there) when he hears a quiet sniffle. 

wondering if he imagined it at first, his fist still hovers in the air ready to knock. 

but it comes again, louder this time. 

and again, and again, until it morphs into full-on sobbing laced with shallow, laboured gasps. 

kuroo realises what’s going on immediately, and he twists the doorknob.

“kenma,” he says, making sure his voice is soft, “i’m gonna come in, okay?” 

he doesn’t hear a protest, so he opens the door. 

kenma is on the floor, curled up in on himself. 

his expression isn’t visible, but kuroo can hear him crying and gasping for air. 

this isn’t the first time this has happened. occasionally, in certain circumstances, kenma would get like this. 

he wouldn’t be able to breathe properly, or speak, or move, for a few minutes.

it was terrifying to watch the first few times, and kuroo had no idea what to do. 

he knows a little better now, so he sits next to kenma, careful to keep all his movements slow and quiet, and making sure not to touch him. 

“is there anything you need?” 

kenma shakes his head quickly. 

kuroo nods even though kenma can’t see him. 

“okay. try to match my breaths.” 

he starts to take even breaths, loud enough that kenma can hear, in an attempt to help him stop hyperventilating. 

it takes a few minutes, but kuroo doesn’t mind as long as kenma is alright by the end. 

eventually he speaks up, voice rough and tiny.

“i don’t-“ kenma chokes out, struggling not to sob again, “i don’t want to go back.”

part of kuroo knew that this was coming. and he recognises, of course, that this could be the end. 

kenma could quit volleyball for good. 

and though the thought makes his heart drop, kenma’s happiness overrides anything else. 

he doesn’t care about volleyball, not when his best friend is practically crumbling by his side. he would never make kenma play volleyball again as long as he never had to see kenma like this.

“you should take the day off.” 

kenma nods slowly, and kuroo deems him calm enough to start rubbing slow circles on his back.

he fixes kenma a glass of water before he leaves, and kenma gives him a long, long hug. 

“thank you,” kenma mumbles into the crook of his neck. 

“you don’t have to thank me,” kuroo assures, pulling away and looking kenma in his red-rimmed eyes, “i will never be burdened by taking care of you. i’d do this for you a thousand times over.”

when he gets to school, a few of his team mates give him hell for showing up late. 

kuroo, for once, couldn’t give less of a shit.

—

after school, he goes straight to kenma’s house, just to check on him. 

when he peeks behind the door, he sees that kenma is sleeping, bundled up in blankets. kuroo breathes a sigh of relief that he seems to be okay.

he doesn’t want to disturb him, though, so he leaves quickly. 

when he gets home, he spills all his pent up anger onto his skin.

 _the third years have been treating kenma like shit and it’s driving me fucking insane, he was literally having a panic attack this morning because he didn’t want to deal with it, and i dont even fucking blame him. i just... i don’t get it, they all know how talented he is and how much he’s gonna help the team, i kno for a fact that they dont want him to leave so why the fuck are they making things so much harder for him? is it because he plays an important role and they feel like they have to put more ‘pressure’ on him? do they feel like he isnt fired up enough and this is their way of trying to motivate him? either way it isnt fucking working and i just wish i could snap at them to fucking stop it because kenma might actually quit at this rate._

kuroo’s wrist is starting to ache but he just keeps writing, moving to his leg when he runs out of space on his arm.

 _and im so fucking scared that he’s gonna quit you know? he’s so good and he’s only gonna get better but i dont want him to keep doing this if it makes him stressed like this._

he wonders if there will even be any more space for his soulmate to write back. 

_but he can’t quit, he can’t, not with his talent. but theres nothing i can do as of right now to make it any better for him. i just... hope he can hold out. and i swear to god, once i’m a third year, i’ll make sure no one in that damn team forgets how important kenma is to us winning. i’ll drill it into their goddamn heads if i have to. i just..._

_i wish i could do more for him._

he sighs, putting the pen down and silently apologising to his soulmate for making them read all that. he considers rubbing some away so they have space to reply, but falls asleep before he gets the opportunity.

(what kuroo doesn’t know yet is that when he goes to sleep that night, he does so with the words “you already do more than enough” in shaky letters on his right arm, written with an obviously non-dominant hand. kuroo definitely does not cry when he notices it the next day.)

—

after definitely-not-crying, kuroo hears a knock at his door. 

he swings the door open, and almost faints. 

kenma never came to him first in the mornings. he often woke up later than kuroo, so kuroo always ended up waiting on him. 

he didn’t mind, of course, but seeing kenma actually come to _his_ house to collect _him_ was sort of like seeing a unicorn. 

“uh...you okay?” kuroo asks after a few seconds of silence. 

it was still sort of obvious that kenma hadn’t had the best day yesterday. he had puffy red eyes, and his hair was a little more unruly than usual. 

kuroo thought that he would have wanted at least a few more days off. part of him even wanted to convince kenma to go back to sleep because he obviously wasn’t in the best shape.

but here he was, determination in his eyes, bright and early like a damn spring chicken.

“yeah. let’s go to practice.” 

“you sure?” 

kenma frowned a little, staring at the ground. 

“yeah,” he says after a pause, “i’m sure.”

kuroo has to fight back a smile as he follows kenma out of the door.

—

it’s not like things immediately get better. 

the third years still pick on kenma way more than necessary, and sometimes kuroo has to practically beg him not to leave.

(what kuroo doesn’t know is that he never had to- kenma would never have actually left.) 

he perseveres, like kuroo hoped he would. 

and when kuroo gets promoted to captain in his third year, he makes good on his promise of making sure everyone in the team never forgets how important kenma is.

kenma is happier than ever now that kuroo is nekoma’s new captain, and kuroo is happier than ever now that kenma is happy.

—

_he bleached his hair today. a teammate said his hair made him stand out n he didnt like that. i knew he wouldn’t have cut it but man i was NOT expecting him to bleach it_

_why not?_

_well bleached hair sorta makes him stand out more, doesn’t it? he didn’t even realise that the length was what made it stand out and not the colour, hes such an idiot sometimes i love him so much_

_are you really in any position to talk about people being idiots_

_bullied by my own soulmate. im wounded_

_drama queen_

kuroo is about to leave the conversation at that and finish off his homework, but his soulmate starts writing again. 

_do you really think it makes him stand out more?_

_sort of? i don’t think he should change it back though, i think it looks nice on him_

_you do?_

_yeah, it’s actually sort of annoying, he didnt even do a good job dyeing it and yet he still manages to look fucking angelic!! then again even if he changed it back he’d still look angelic :’)) maybe i’m just biased._

_biased?_

_like, no matter what he did to his hair i’d still think he’s beautiful kind of biased. he could literally shave it all off or dye it neon green and id still want to kiss all over his cute face :(((_

_you..._  
_should really tell him how you feel_

_god not this again_

_please just think about it. he could like you just as much but not want to say anything_

_yeah right. ill just get in the way of him and his soulmate. i love him but i dont wanna do that_

_how do you know that you’ll get in the way of anything unless you just ask?_

kuroo honestly doesn’t know. but he doesn’t feel like risking it. not right now. 

before carrying on with his work he thinks briefly about what he said earlier. he wonders how kenma would look if he actually did shave his head.

it’s hard to picture, since kenma has always (and probably will always) have long hair.

the image he ends up with is how kenma’s adorably irritated expression would look if kuroo kept teasing him about his bald head.

kuroo can’t stop himself from cooing at the thought of it. 

yep. definitely biased.

—

kenma doesn’t change his hair back like kuroo half-expected him to. he keeps the blonde. 

kuroo’s glad. it really does look good on him. 

—

kuroo is not jealous. that’s not what’s happening. 

and if he _was_ the jealous type, which he isn’t, he certainly would not be jealous of a shrimpy little first year. 

he’s not jealous. 

_but it’s not normal!_ kuroo writes distressedly, _kenma doesn’t make friends! he has people he puts up with, and he has me. that’s how it’s always been! how did this kid manage to slip under the radar :(((_

_don’t you think you’re overreacting_

_no!! this kid has gotta be kenma’s soulmate. theres no other way_

_no other way, huh. is it really so hard to believe that he made a friend?_

_i mean, not in that way! i get why people would wanna be kenma’s friend, and i’m happy to see him getting along with people but just... this feels different somehow_

_you know, you wouldn’t have to worry about him liking other people if you just told him how you felt_

_what, just so he can tell me that we aren’t meant to be and know for a f a c t that he likes other people? no thank you. id rather suffer_

_you’re impossible..._

_yes, impossibly in love :(((_

his soulmate doesn’t reply. clearly, they don’t feel like being cooperative.

“desperate times call for desperate measures,” kuroo mumbles to himself, reaching for his phone.

he decides to consult the wisest man he knows. 

**to: owl always love you**

hey bo

**from: owl always love you**

KUROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :DDDDD 

**to: owl always love you**

y’know the shrimp from karasuno

**from: owl always love you**

my son yes 

**to: owl always love you**

d’you think he and kenma might be soulmates

**from: owl always love you**

they could be!!!!! ;000  
but y’knwo kuroo  
even if theyre soilmates  
doesn’t mean theyll like  
be together nd stuff

well kuroo knows that much at least. but kenma already seemed so _fond_ of hinata. if they were soulmates, there’s practically no chance it’d be platonic.

**to: owl always love you**

yeah but

**from: owl always love you**

i mean ! look at me an akaashi  
we’re soulmates n we’re not tgther

**to: owl always love you**

wait ur not 

**from: owl always love you**

pff  
no  
i mean  
kuroo  
i kno im sexy as hell but  
come on  
akaashi is ljke. an actual angel  
he doesbt see me like thst  
he deswrves another beautjful shiny angel person so they can live their days out in angelic impossibly perfect bliss  
not someone like me  
lol 

kuroo genuinely cannot believe what he is reading. bokuto thinks that akaashi, the man who looks at bokuto like he hangs the damn _stars_ in the sky, doesn’t like him.

this level of obliviousness has to be breaking some kind of law.

he may have to revoke bokuto’s title of wisest man kuroo knows. 

**to: owl always love you**

bo dont think lke that omg  
akaashi is so in love w you bro  
have u seen the way that man looks at u  
bro  
u two are perfect for each other

**from: owl always love you**

u rly think so :((((

**to: owl always love you**

yea!!  
ur awesome bo!!

**from: owl always love you**

i am awesome arent i? :DDD  
thanks kuroo!! im gonna go confess rn!!!!!!  
we’ll be so cute together!!!!!!!!

well. kuroo knew it would be easy, but he didn’t think it’d be _that_ easy.

still, he didn’t end up getting much actual advice about his own problem, so he puts his phone down and silently wishes bokuto luck. 

(not that he needs it)

kuroo realises that in order to get answers, he is going to have to ask kenma directly.

he spends the remainder of his afternoon mentally preparing for the worst. 

— 

“so, kenma.” 

kenma doesn’t reply, but he doesn’t need to for kuroo to know he’s listening. 

“about shrimpy-“ 

“he’s not my soulmate.” 

kuroo stands dumbfounded for a few seconds, watching kenma carry on walking until he realises kuroo has stopped and turns around.

“how’d you kn-“ 

“i could just tell. i can tell when you’re about to say something stupid.” 

and for good measure he says, louder this time, “shoyo is not my soulmate.” 

the elder nods distantly, trying to regain his bearings before following kenma again.

“a-alright then!” he exclaims, laughing sheepishly, “but if i find out you’re lying i’ll be real wounded, you know.” 

the joke hangs in the air as they continue their walk to school. no more words are exchanged until they’re outside their school’s gymnasium. 

kenma shuts off his phone and looks up to give kuroo the most focused death-stare he has ever mustered. 

“kuro.” he says, gaze intense, “i would never, ever lie to you.” 

he turns on his heels and goes into the gymnasium, leaving kuroo stunned with a gaping mouth and pounding heart.

—

after that, the not-jealousy slowly dissipates. 

kuroo, above all else, is glad to see that kenma is starting to make some real friends. 

and if those friends help kenma have more fun playing volleyball, then, really, who is kuroo to complain?

—

nekoma loses to karasuno during the spring nationals.

kuroo is sad, of course he’s sad. it’s his third year, and he’ll never be able to play volleyball with this team again.

but he’s also happy, because kenma had more fun during that match than he ever has in a match before.

he hopes this is only the beginning for him, that his love for volleyball is only going to grow from here. 

he has to thank hinata, somewhat. it’s partially because of him, after all, that kenma gave it his all for kuroo’s last match. 

still though, he’s sad. so when they get back, he spends the night at kenma’s house, because it feels like home to him. 

they play volleyball for a little bit, but the fatigue in their limbs gets to be too much, so they slink back inside and play videogames for the rest of the afternoon. 

somewhere in the evening, kuroo’s phone buzzes.

**from: sodium chloride**

hey. 

**to: sodium chloride**

owo whats this? a text? 

**from: sodium chloride**

shut up. it’s never too late for me to block your number. 

**to: sodium chloride**

and yet here you are  
texting me :3  
ok ok please dont block me  
whats up tsukki  
here to brag about your glorious victory against us? :((

**from: sodium chloride**

no, you ass.  
i wanted to thank you.  
back during the training camp, you and bokuto... i hate to admit it but you really helped me.  
you know, with trying a little harder in volleyball.

**to: sodium chloride**

awwwww tsukki :’)))  
im glad me and bo could help u  
i told you im a nice person (*´∀`*) 

**from: sodium chloride**

yeah yeah don’t get too cocky, bokuto did most of it.  
anyway, yeah. i just wanted to say thank you.

**to: sodium chloride**

i’m so proud that you know how to thank people now :’))  
dare i say freckles had a positive impact on you? 

**from: sodium chloride**

yeah. he really did. i love him a lot. 

_**to: sodium chloride** _

im gonna cry u havw no idea how proud i am  
my little tsukki..... getting his first ever emotion :’)) 

_**from: sodium chloride** _

don’t push it. about that though, actually 

__

__**to: sodium chloride** _ _

mhm? 

__

__**from: sodium chloride** _ _

i think you should shoot your shot soon.  
y’know, with the scrawny blonde one. 

__

__**to: sodium chloride** _ _

scrawny blonde?  
aww tsukki im flattered but you know i don’t see you like that :((( 

__

__**from: sodium chloride** _ _

stop changing the subject. you know what i meant.  
look, you’re in your third year right?  
it might seem like you have all the time in the world but you don’t. 

__

__**to: sodium chloride** _ _

tfw underclassman has more sage advice than u  
in all seriousness tho  
i rly dont think kenma likes me like that  
we aren’t soulmates n even if we were  
i just know ok  
he doesn’t see me like that 

__

__**from: sodium chloride** _ _

first of all,  
you don’t know that you aren’t soulmates,  
because you’re a dumbass who can’t just fucking ask him.  
second of all  
look  
i know you’ve known him for years  
but take it from me  
it won’t do you any good to assume you can read his mind just because you’ve been friends so long  
no amount of poignant telepathic bond developed over years of close friendship is a substitute for actual communication. 

__

__**to: sodium chloride** _ _

god tsukki stop making sense 

__

__**from: sodium chloride** _ _

never.  
just out of curiosity though  
what does your soulmate think about all this? 

__

__**to: sodium chloride** _ _

they think i should go for it  
they’re rly adamant abt it actually  
i think they ship me and kenma (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) 

__

__**from: sodium chloride** _ _

whatever you say..  
well anyway  
yeah  
he won’t always be right next door  
maybe he needs you to take the first step  
so just...grow some balls 

__

__**to: sodium chloride** _ _

i wish you would treat me with actual respect 😔😔 you’re a kid smh  
but thanks 

__

__**from: sodium chloride** _ _

you’re welcome i guess. 

__

__“okay,” kuroo mumbles, turning his phone off._ _

__he looks off to the side, and sees kenma hyperfocused on his phone, fingers rapidly tapping on one of the weaboo rhythm games he’s gotten into lately._ _

__there’s a flush on his cheeks and his eyes are wide as he concentrates, and he looks so very beautiful._ _

__and kuroo wants to kiss him, he wants to, but he’s seen kenma at his most scared, at his most shaken, and he wants to stay stable for now._ _

__“okay,” he repeats to himself, “not now, but okay.”_ _

__kenma doesn’t hear him, too engrossed in energetic idol music and trying not to break his combo._ _

__kuroo appreciates the normalcy of it all, the beautiful simplicity of existing together as they have for ten years._ _

__he doesn’t say anything, but he will. he has to._ _

__

__—_ _

__

__it ends up being on kuroo’s very last day of high school._ _

__he hadn’t planned to put it off until then, but eventually it seemed like the best option._ _

__leaving school for university will probably be the biggest change in his life since he moved next to kenma’s house all those years ago, so what’s another change to harden the blow?_ _

__kuroo is hopeful, of course, but he’s prepared for rejection._ _

__(he uses the term ‘prepared’ very lightly.)_ _

__

__he texts kenma asking if he can come round, which honestly, was the biggest sign that kuroo was scared shitless, because he never _asked_ to visit kenma, he just _went_. _ _

__(kuroo does it in the hopes that kenma will, for some reason, say no, and kuroo can back out and save his own heart.)_ _

__(kenma says yes.)_ _

__

__“have you been crying?”_ _

__kenma turns from his psp to stare daggers into kuroo._ _

__“you already know the answer, kuro, so why would you even ask.”_ _

__there’s a telltale crack in his voice too, and kuroo almost feels bad for asking._ _

__he plops himself down next to kenma and leans his head on his shoulder._ _

__“aw~ are you gonna miss me, kenma?”_ _

__(kuroo has absolutely no place to tease.)_ _

__suddenly there’s a blur of blonde hair and kenma throws his arms around kuroo, burying his face into his chest._ _

__“i’m not ready to lose you.” he chokes._ _

__patting kenma’s head slowly, kuroo sighs._ _

__“you won’t lose me,” he mumbles, “we’ll always be friends, kenma.”_ _

___but that’s not enough,_ a voice inside kuroo says. _ _

__pointlessly, he hopes that kenma doesn’t notice the erratic pounding of his heart._ _

__they stay like that, and kuroo’s pulse is only getting faster. it feels like a thousand times that he opens his mouth to speak but no words come out._ _

__eventually he musters a little “um,” and kenma looks up at him, making a small noise of acknowledgment._ _

__can’t back out now, a voice inside kuroo says._ _

__“i, uh,” he stumbles, “i’m gonna say something incredibly stupid. just... please don’t get upset or... or panic”_ _

__kenma nods, and kuroo takes a deep breath, even though no amount of oxygen could make this situation comfortable or easy._ _

__“i’m in love with you. i’ve probably been in love with you since before i even understood what a relationship was. i couldn’t make sense of my feelings back then obviously, but ever since i was a kid, i knew that i never wanted to do anything without you by my side.”_ _

__once he’d started, the words just kept coming, like a dam that’d been broken. kuroo’s eyes are scrunched shut, terrified of kenma’s expression._ _

__“and my soulmate? i couldn’t care less! and it makes me feel awful everyday that my own soulmate may be out there silently hurting because i just couldn’t ever love them._ _

__“i couldn’t ever love them, because i am so so fucking gone for you. jesus, i am head over heels for you.”_ _

__kuroo’s voice breaks as he says it, feeling dangerously close to breaking down crying._ _

__“i’ve spent my whole life trying to convince myself that i was happy with just being friends. but i’m not, and i sort of hate the fact that.... there could be a million people out there who are more ‘perfect’ for me than you are, and yet i’d still..._ _

__“i still wouldn’t want anyone but you. i think it’s really bizzare that we’ve rarely even discussed our soulmates, but part of me is glad because i don’t know how i could have coped if i had to hear from you that you have to wait for them,” he says, “that we can’t be together because there’s someone better out there. because to me, theres no one more perfect for me than you.”_ _

__he still can’t see kenma’s face, but he can hear his breaths, even and loud and real, and he pushes on._ _

__“and i.. i held back, rambled on and on about you to my own soulmate of all people, because i was scared. i was scared that the second i said something to you, it’d be over. you’d tell me you didn’t feel the same, and it was easier to just put it off than have to be faced with that.”_ _

__it feels even more pathetic saying it out loud. kuroo can’t bear to think what kenma is feeling right now._ _

__“but i got tired of waiting. i’m telling you, i’ll tell you, a thousand times. there’s no one else better for me. i want to be yours, kenma, if you’ll have me. i’m terrified, god. but i don’t want to leave high school regretting that i never said anything to you, and in 10 years i’d have to fucking... attend your wedding someday and spend the entire reception wondering what could have been or some shit-“_ _

__kenma suddenly cuts him off with a tiny giggle. then a louder one, and again, until he’s full-on laughing, hand over his mouth._ _

__cracking an eye open, kuroo’s heart wrenches. but he tries, he tries not to cry._ _

__“you’re really such an idiot, kuro.”_ _

__“is,” he croaks, “is that a no?”_ _

__kenma rolls his eyes, but he still looks fond, so unbelievably fond, and it’s a small comfort at least._ _

__he stalks over to his desk and picks up a pen before sitting back down next to kuroo._ _

__expression unreadable, kenma starts to write on the palm of his hand._ _

__when he finishes, he gestures for kuroo to check his own hand._ _

__shaking like crazy, he lifts his hand up to his face._ _

__and there, in handwriting that is much too familiar, is three words._ _

_it’s a yes._

__kuroo sort of feels like the ground is going to give out under him. the tears he’d been fighting back start to spill down his cheeks. fruitlessly, he tries to wipe them away, but more just keep on coming._ _

__“how,” he manages breathlessly, looking everywhere but kenma’s eyes, “how long have you known?”_ _

__“since we met, basically?” kenma answers quietly, “i was unsure the first few days, since it could have been a coincidence, but it quickly became obvious that it wasn’t.”_ _

__“you...never told me?” kuroo sobs, feeling utterly crushed._ _

__“you never asked.”_ _

__“i never- fuck, kenma, you didn’t think to just _tell me anyway?_?” he almost shouts, “our _souls_ are attached, don’t you think that’s sort of vital information you’ve been withholding the past 10 years?”_ _

__kuroo realises, with a slight nauseous feeling, that he is angry at kenma. it’s a first. a bizzare mix of angry and elated, because he could never be fully angry anyway._ _

__despite this, he does not, under any circumstances, want this to be their first argument. he hopes that kenma doesn’t get upset too._ _

__“is it that vital, though?” kenma muses, “i mean, like you’ve said, we’ve known each other for a decade. we’ve never even argued. we’ve been best friends for such a long time, would being soulmates even...change anything?”_ _

__“yes,” kuroo rasps, “because all these years i could have been yours.”_ _

__“because all these years i was hopelessly in love with you and thought i would ruin things if i said anything, but of course you knew that because you’ve known since the day we fucking _met_!_ _

__“all these years,” he says, almost in disbelief, “i didn’t have to hold myself back._ _

__“but i did, because i didn’t want to get in the way of your happiness.”_ _

__kenma doesn’t say anything for the longest five seconds in history, eyes dull and downcast._ _

__then in a barely-there whisper, he speaks up._ _

__“i...i tried to tell you that you didn’t have to hold back. i.. i tried, but i-“_ _

__belatedly, kuroo thinks back to the words he’s read on his arms over the years._ _

__he remembers all the times his soulmate- no, _kenma_ , tried to tell him to confess. tried to tell him it was okay._ _

__and kuroo’s mind clears. he can feel his heartbeat in his fucking head but he leans forward anyway, looks kenma in the eyes._ _

__suddenly it makes sense, the reason he’d kept it to himself all these years._ _

__he can see it now, in kenma’s expression, even if he doesn’t say it outright._ _

__he was scared. scared in the same way kuroo was scared, in the sort of way where the longer you go without saying something, the more it seems like you just can’t. because it’s been a secret for such a long time that it seems ridiculous to even think about saying something._ _

__kenma couldn’t say anything, couldn’t confess, even after reading every letter of praise kuroo spilled onto his arms, legs, everywhere. still too anxious to say a thing, even with all the affirmation in the world._ _

__it made kuroo’s anger dissipate in an instant._ _

__(who was he kidding, he could never be angry at kenma for more than half a minute anyway.)_ _

__all at once, he remembers tsukishima’s advice._ _

___maybe he needs you to take the first step._ _ _

__the words linger in his mind._ _

__kuroo takes a few seconds to gather his courage, because he knows that he has to do this himself._ _

__or maybe he doesn’t, because in the split second before kuroo decides to act, kenma surges forward and kisses him._ _

__he can feel kenma’s heart stuttering in his chest, his breathing threatening to go haywire at any second. but kenma doesn’t pull back, valiantly continuing, even tilting his head slightly._ _

__and kuroo can’t think, he can’t even breathe, but he lets kenma steal his oxygen away anyway, keep it for own, as he lets the tension disappear and kisses kenma back._ _

__he doesn’t know how long they kiss for; it simultaneously feels like way too long and absolutely not long enough._ _

__he didn’t even realise he’d been holding his breath until he finally pulls away, gasping for air._ _

__“god,” kenma exclaims, “that was fucking terrifying.”_ _

__“what was?”_ _

__“kissing you. it took all my courage, it’ll take another ten years to replenish it all again.”_ _

__kuroo knows he’s joking._ _

__maybe half-joking._ _

__blonde strands fall into kenma’s face, and kuroo, finally, brushes them out of his eyes and tucks them behind an ear._ _

__“my kitten.”_ _

__“don’t you dare, kuro. no nicknames.”_ _

__“too late, kitten.” kuroo smirks, pinching his cheeks. the skin is warm and soft, and kuroo doesn’t want to feel anything else for the rest of his damn life._ _

__“i want a new soulmate.”_ _

__“no you don’t.”_ _

__“no, i really dont,” kenma agrees, burying his face into kuroo’s shoulder._ _

__“hey,” kuroo pipes up suddenly, “d’you reckon you would have said yes even if we weren’t soulmates?”_ _

__kenma doesn’t even pretend to think it over._ _

__“i don’t know. probably? destiny is weird. does it matter, anyway? we’re here now.”_ _

__“well that’s easy for you to say,” kuroo whines, poking kenma’s arm, “you’ve had ten years to accept this! it’s news to me!”_ _

__“shut your whining and let me use you as a pillow,” kenma mumbles, nuzzling into kuroo’s side and promptly falling asleep on his shoulder._ _

__kuroo rolls his eyes._ _

__“”don’t call me kitten”, he says, acting exactly like a kitten.”_ _

__kenma doesn’t respond to kuroo’s lame quip, already snoozing._ _

__fondly, kuroo remembers when it was a rare occasion for kenma to fall asleep before him._ _

__he looks out of the slightly ajar bedroom window to find that the sky has only just started turning orange._ _

__“you’re losing your touch, kitten,” kuroo whispers._ _

__

__kuroo thinks more about his question, despite kenma thinking it’s pointless, and decides that they would still be together._ _

__even if they hadn’t been soulmates, kuroo thinks he would have loved kenma all the same._ _

__whether they’d met at eight years old or eighteen or eighty, whether they were next door neighbors or hundreds of miles apart, whether they played volleyball or didn’t or whether kenma had short hair or long hair or black or blond or neon green; kuroo would have fallen for him without hesitation._ _

__even so, he’s starting to understand why kenma thinks it’s pointless to think about it. he wonders, really wonders, how his soulmate could have possibly been anyone else._ _

__he faintly registers the sound of kenma’s psp still playing away to itself, forgotten next to them. just like always, kuroo doesn’t go to turn it off_ _

__it completes the scene, after all, to form everything kuroo considers home._ _

__feeling a little melancholic, he reminds himself that he’s leaving for university soon. he won’t be able to be like this with kenma for a long time. much too long._ _

__he spares another glance at the writing on his palm, ink smudged a little from sweat, and relaxes. no matter how far he strays, he’ll always have home with him. in a scrawled message on his skin, or if he’s lucky, right by his side, warm and real._ _

__he takes comfort in the familiar and welcomes the new._ _

__

__kuroo knows things are not the same as they were ten years ago, or one year ago, or yesterday._ _

__but even so, he’s able to fall asleep the way he has a hundred times before; with the familiar scent of a bedroom that has never really changed, the background noise of some videogame no one bothered to turn off, and his whole world gently snoring beside him._ _

**Author's Note:**

> god the pacing in this was awful i feel like it was so rushed and had not nearly enough fleshing out but ah well i literally was working on this until half an hour before ur birthday i had no time to make any adjustments ughfyfhvn
> 
> emily  
> i wanted so badly to write something that would really make you happy. after giving me six (SIX!!!) years of friendship, i wanted to give you something that’d make you smile for your birthday.  
> i really hope i achieved that, even if its not the 300k word fantasy epic with dragons and magic that you deserve.  
> it was a challenge for me to write kuroken because as much as i love them, i dont read much of them  
> but they’re your favourite ship so i gave them a try and i hope hope hope that i did them justice  
> i hope they werent too out of character here lmao  
> happy birthday. i love you so so so much.


End file.
